PUTTING AN END TO LONELINESS. A Thread:
In this thread; we will discuss: - What is loneliness - Symptoms of loneliness - Ways we become lonely - Tips for coping with loneliness - Affirmations
Loneliness is a feeling that can bleed into your emotions, soul and lifestyle without you even realizing it. You try to ignore it, but it only grows. It can make you feel more anxious, depressed, and scared. +
It makes you question yourselves, your sense of belonging and self worth. It can make you jump into connections you aren't ready for, and hang onto connections that have long expired. +
It can make you regret the connections that you lost, resent the connections that exist, and question why none of it was enough to fill the void. We feel empty, like something is missing in our lives. +
My intention with this thread is to bring more awareness to the feeling of loneliness so we can better cope with it. Please note that I am not a professional therapist or counselor. +
I am someone who has dealt with loneliness myself and wants to share everything I learned with you. If you donΓ’ΒΒt like reading through threads; this article is already posted on my website. The link to my website can be found in my bio, or at the bottom of this thread. +
I will also link youtube videos that are very helpful when coping with loneliness. This will be a long thread, so grab some coffee or tea and buckle up! LetΓ’ΒΒs get into it:
WHAT IS LONELINESS? People can be alone and not feel lonely. On the flipside, people can be surrounded by a room full of people and still feel lonely as hell. +
This is because loneliness is less about how many people are physically around you and more about believing that you are emotionally, mentally or spiritually separate from others. Loneliness is a headspace. +
The beauty of thinking about loneliness as a headspace is that we can control our headspace. This makes loneliness curable. We can catch ourselves if we start having anxious thoughts and say, Γ’ΒΒhey, thereΓ’ΒΒs no need to feel vulnerable or anxious. I am safe. And although I may +
not have a million best friends at the moment; me being alone is temporary because love is in abundance and I can always generate more in my life if I would like to. Even though I am by myself; I am not in danger. I am okay.Γ’ΒΒ +
7 SYMPTOMS OF LONELINESS:
I think it's important to discuss symptoms of loneliness so that we can identify when we are feeling lonely and all the ways we are unconsciously coping with it. Some people can experience:
1. Unhappiness / depression. 2. Disconnection from ourselves. Without other people to engage with; we can become disconnected from the social sides of our personality. Example: Our communication skills can start to slip. +
3. Disconnected from reality. Without other people there to validate our experiences; it can feel like we just don't exist to others sometimes. 4. Overuse of technology to fill the void.+
5. Stress, anxiety from feeling unprotected and vulnerable. Loneliness can really take a toll on our physical health. 6. Blaming the self, feeling as if thereΓ’ΒΒs something wrong with you.
7. Strong attachments to inanimate objects, increase materialism, shopping addictions to fill up the emptiness we feel inside.
14 WAYS WE BECOME LONELY:
Loneliness can creep up on us. We don't even realize that we are heading straight into that lonely headspace. I think itΓ’ΒΒs important to discuss some of the ways we become lonely so we catch ourselves when we are unconsciously creating a life of loneliness. +
There are honestly so many reasons why people are lonely. But just to name a few:
1. Imbalance of life. We become so focused on success that we don't make time or reserve any energy for bonding. +
2. Not living a community based lifestyle. When we were in college, or high school, the majority of our days were spent with a community (i.e. our classmates, teammates, friends.) When we get older; there becomes less opportunities to be around a community. +
We have to put more effort into seeking out a community.
3. Running from relationships at any point of difficulty. YouΓ’ΒΒre expecting smooth sailing and perfectionism in relationships when it doesnΓ’ΒΒt exist. Relationships require work. If youΓ’ΒΒre not willing to do the work; itΓ’ΒΒll be very hard to maintain lifelong connections. +
ItΓ’ΒΒs good to have high standards, but itΓ’ΒΒs not good to have unrealistic standards. You may be attempting to protect yourself from getting hurt, but then this quickly turns into a cage where you are closed off from people. +
4. Not feeling worthy of connections. Sometimes you isolate yourself because you donΓ’ΒΒt feel worthy of loving connections. This can be another reason why you run from a good thing. Everyone is worthy of a companion. +
5. Growing pains. We change, we move towns, and stray away from the home town we grew up in. This change can sometimes trigger a phase of loneliness. You have to create new connections, and insert yourself in new communities. +
6. Basing your identity and self worth on other people. It is a lonely way to live. You might do this as an attempt to connect with others, but this is how one becomes that person who has a room full of friends and still feels lonely. +
When youΓ’ΒΒre adjusting yourself to avoid being alone; you become loved for the facade you put up, and not for who you truly are. The soul doesnΓ’ΒΒt feel seen. +
7. YouΓ’ΒΒre going towards unavailable people who arenΓ’ΒΒt ready to maintain a healthy friendship or connection. This can result in you begging for intimacy from someone who canΓ’ΒΒt provide it which can lead to feelings of loneliness. +
8. YouΓ’ΒΒve lost touch with yourself. This makes it difficult to be okay with being alone because youΓ’ΒΒre a stranger to yourself. YouΓ’ΒΒre not sure how to be alone and content with your own thoughts. You donΓ’ΒΒt really know what to do with yourself. +
You can start to use relationships as the ultimate distraction. But it never works and leads to feelings of loneliness and feeling separate anyways. This could also manifest as not really knowing yourself so you don't really know what communities you would fit into. +
9. You arenΓ’ΒΒt being vulnerable and real with people which can make it difficult to bond. You have a tough exterior to protect the sensitive sides to you but it makes it so you never allow anyone in. +
10. You may feel ashamed of your past, your sensitive sides, or certain parts of who you are. YouΓ’ΒΒre worried it won't be accepted or loved. Let your guard down. Trust that youΓ’ΒΒll attract people who accept all sides of you. +
11. You don't really know how to connect with others so building friendships can feel very awkward for you. ThatΓ’ΒΒs okay. ThatΓ’ΒΒs something you can learn. It just takes practice. +
12. YouΓ’ΒΒre still overcoming shyness, intimacy wounds or social anxiety. And itΓ’ΒΒs okay. Take your time. This is something to work with a professional counselor or therapist on. But I do believe that you can overcome this. +
Just give yourself the time, encouragement and self love to work on it. There will be people here for you to connect with whenever you are ready. +
13. YouΓ’ΒΒre spending time with the wrong crowd and you start to feel like you don't belong. You have to ask yourself: why am I settling for a community that I don't really fit into? +
14. You had to flee from unhealthy relationships which triggered a period of loneliness. You did what was best for yourself. This period of loneliness will pass. Give yourself enough time to heal and process. +
17 TIPS FOR COPING WITH LONELINESS:
1. Ritualize community and socialization. Example: every wednesday is wine wednesday with the girls where we get together midweek and we check in on each other. OR every Saturday I go to knitting class and get to learn a new hobby with my classmates. Show up for your people. +
2. Be proactive in relationships. Text them first, make plans, show up to plans if youΓ’ΒΒre invited. When making plans, instead of saying Γ’ΒΒhey, wanna come to wine wednesday?Γ’ΒΒ say Γ’ΒΒWeΓ’ΒΒre meeting for wine wednesday at 6pm this week.Γ’ΒΒ +
This makes it seem like it's happening with or without the person youΓ’ΒΒre inviting, which creates healthy fomo, and reduces mental anxiety about being the only one to show up. +
3. Overcome friction of getting together and breaking the ice. ItΓ’ΒΒs normal for things to be a little awkward at first! ItΓ’ΒΒs okay. Eventually people get used to each other and become more comfortable being around each other. DonΓ’ΒΒt let the Γ’ΒΒiceΓ’ΒΒ defeat you. +
Even natural and organic connections experience a little friction at first. +
4. Track when was the last time you spoke with people. We are busy, busy adults. ItΓ’ΒΒs easy to forget to text our friends back. Before you know it; so much time can go by that you both feel like strangers. ItΓ’ΒΒs a shame to lose a connection because of that. +
A simple Γ’ΒΒhi thinking of you today; letΓ’ΒΒs get together next saturdayΓ’ΒΒ can go a long way. Even if it has been a while; don't be afraid to try. YouΓ’ΒΒd be surprised how certain connections can withstand the test of time. +
5. Find a solo hobby that you enjoy. This can make being alone a little more enjoyable.
6. Listen to music. Music films the room up with beautiful sounds and energy that can make us feel less lonely. +
7. Study yourself. Get to know your likes and dislikes. This can help you figure out what communities youΓ’ΒΒll fit into and what groups arenΓ’ΒΒt your vibe. +
8. Know what your needs are and give it to yourself. Being able to provide for your own needs will make being alone more manageable. +
9. Give new people time. Our generation is so used to things happening fast. We expect sparks to fly and for there to be an instant connection. Although that can happen, it probably won't happen most of the time. ItΓ’ΒΒs okay for connections to build up slowly. Bonding takes time. +
10. Don't burn yourself out trying to make friends and be a part of communities. Let things happen naturally and organically.
11. Put yourself in more social situations. You wont meet anyone new just hanging in your room all day. +
12. Chat with local people. You never know when small talk becomes big talk and you just had your first conversation with your new best friend. Have small chats with the check out lady at your local grocery store, or the barista at your favorite coffee shop. +
13. It's okay to not be liked by everyone in a community. Maybe you tried to shoot that friendship shot and it just didn't work out and the vibe just wasn't there. ThatΓ’ΒΒs okay. Don't let that stop you from being apart of this community.
14. Repair the connection with yourself. Be mindful of how you talk and engage with yourself. ItΓ’ΒΒll make it easier to be alone if your thoughts are kind and gentle.
15. Stop looking towards relationships to fill up your time, and provide excitement and entertainment in your life. You can create that for yourself. It takes a little courage and it might feel awkward at first going on adventures by yourself; but it will strengthen the +
connection you have with yourself and build up your confidence. Do the things you would do with friends by yourself. It beats being sad and feeling lonely all cooped up in your house, plus you never know who youΓ’ΒΒll meet. +
16. Reflect on past issues. Why haven't relationships worked out for you before? Learn from the past. Break any patterns that pop up.
17. Research local events going on in your town. Show up to them.
11 AFFIRMATIONS:
1. Breaking out of a period of loneliness takes effort, but I know my efforts will pay off.
2. I am worthy of genuine love, connection, and community.
3. Love is in abundance and I can always generate more.
4. There are people out there who will love me authentically for who I am.
5. I am a reliable person and a good friend to have. I will show up for the people in my life.
6. I respect my boundaries and my social battery. I know I will make friends with people who respect it as well.
7. My vulnerability is a strength. I let my walls down. I allow myself to be intimate.
8. Even though I may be physically alone; I am never disconnected from people, from life, and the cosmos. I can always reach out and form more bonds whenever I want.
9. My presence is a gift, even to myself.
10. The empty feeling is not always a bad thing. Within emptiness is the potential to fill it with whatever you want. I will consciously fill any empty feelings within me with something healthy. I will take my time filling it with people and things that truly matter to me.
11. We all have the same 24 hours in the day; I will rebalance my life so I have more time for connections.
I hope this invokes hope that you can come out of this period of feeling lonely and gives you some ideas on how to break out. Please share/ RT this thread for anyone out there who might be feeling lonely too. Thank you so much for reading!
LINK TO MY ARTICLES:
HELPFUL YOUTUBE VIDEOS: The simple cure for loneliness: How to get rid of loneliness and become happy: Why youΓ’ΒΒre lonely:
Link to book a reading with me and more:
Go to TweetFollow us on Twitter
to be informed of the latest developments and updates!
Follow @tivitikothreadYou can easily use to @tivitikothread bot for create more readable thread!
Donate π²
You can keep this app free of charge by supporting π
for server charges...